i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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