I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
