the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
40s are totally the cure
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
