What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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