I cockslap morals
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
