i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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