I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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