God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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