Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
