Where is the hickey?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
