Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
