So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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