Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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