Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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