I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
