I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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