careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
tonight lets celebrate not being married
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
