Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
