So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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