Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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