He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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