Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
