its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
