so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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