Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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