Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
