My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ttyl tear gas
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
