like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
