Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
