Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
