i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
