God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
