toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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