Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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