the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
