either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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