rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
