Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
