I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i already hear my dad disowning me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
