I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
