Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
