Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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