Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
