I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
