i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
