Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
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I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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