I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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