I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
