i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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