I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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