your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
