Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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