This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
