I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Enjoy the penises
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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