Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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