I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
