Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
