You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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