My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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