Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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