ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
