i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
