Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
