I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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