i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
