Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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