She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
