A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
