He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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