He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
