Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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