I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
