so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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