My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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