I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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