She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
