my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
